


freshman year

by toxicjaguar



Series: the story of our lives [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Multi, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-10 22:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7010926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxicjaguar/pseuds/toxicjaguar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is starting her first year at Polis University, where her roommate is the grumpy, straight A-student Alexandria Woods. </p><p>Or</p><p>The AU where Clarke crushes on her overly-attractive roommate, Bellamy and Raven try to move past their jealousy by screwing each other, and Octavia is busy getting Lincoln to notice her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. september

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke broke up with finn. she gets the mysterious alexandria woods as her roommate. she discovers some hidden secrets about her friends. 
> 
> also, a healthy amount of bickering and banter is present in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: so this is story will be part of a series (approx. 3 parts). while this one mainly focuses on the relationship between clarke and lexa, i think it's important to stress that this fanfic isn't purely about said relationship. it is instead a story about the core four (clarke, raven, octavia, bellamy) living the college life, experimenting with usual teenage stuff, falling in and out of love etc. 
> 
> also, big shout out to the best friend, and beta, one could ever ask for; multifancyfangirl@tumblr.com. if it hadn't been for her, you'd all be forced to read this hot mess filled with dozens of typos. u da real mvp mate.

**May 2016**

The smell from the bonfire fills her nostrils, leaving her with a sense of freedom. This was the last time she would party with her classmates, the last evening spent with friends whom had been around since she was a freshman. Four years of hard work had finally paid off, and she was officially transitioning into an adult. Seeing some of her best friends heading off to college without her had been one of the hardest things to do, but now she was catching up.

 

As she dips her legs into the pool, head resting on Finn’s shoulder, she feels at peace. She is aware of the fact that most high school relationships don’t really last past the first few months of college, and they had been going through a rough patch lately, but she is confident that they could make it.

 

”Did you get your acceptance letter yet?” her boyfriend’s voice brings her back to reality.

 

”Yeah, it came yesterday,” Clarke replies, a wide grin decorating her features.

 

As a response, Finn places a soft kiss on her forehead before squeezing her arm.

 

Blue eyes move over the crowds surrounding them. Some people, like themselves, are enjoying the coolness from the pool, while others are sitting around the bonfire, drinking and roasting marshmallows. Everyone looks happy. Not that it was surprising, all the people here had just graduated. Who wouldn’t be happy? No more classes in those hallways, reeking of sweaty teenagers.

 

Clarke’s eyes lands on her friends, Octavia and Raven. By the looks of it, the soon-to-be-mechanic is busy reenacting one of her stories that they’ve heard at least a dozen times. Her arms are all over the place, the soda in her hand spilling from the can, a good chunk of it landing in Octavia’s lap.

 

Not that O pays much attention. Following the brunette’s gaze, it became clear who she had been watching. And that someone was most definitely not Raven. It was _Lincoln_. Clarke knows that she has a thing for him, there was no doubt in that, but it still takes her by surprise, seeing her friend staring at him so openly. She doesn’t blame her, of course. The older boy is a pleasant sight, and not only does he have good looks, but he’s also charming and sweet.

 

Her eyes drifts from Lincoln, and over to the girl standing beside him. She had a slim figure, with a perfect posture. Long, curly hair reaching down to her waist. With her chin tilted slightly upwards, and her back straight, she was giving off a ”don’t-fuck-with-me” vibe. If Clarke is to be honest, she has to admit that Lincoln’s friend was intimidating. With that being said, the blonde was having trouble identifying the girl, which was strange, considering how she knows everyone that went to Arkadia High School.

 

”Hey,” she bumps her elbow into Finn, gaining his attention. ”Who’s that girl over there?” Clarke nods towards Lincoln and the stranger.

 

The boy’s brows furrows, his eyes squinting as he finds the girl in question. Recognition flashes over his face before he turns his brown eyes back at Clarke.

 

”That’s Lexa, Lincoln’s cousin,” Finn explains, a smirk forming on his face. That explains why she didn’t recognize her. Lincoln went to TonDC High, not Arkadia. ”Though if you ask Raven, I’m sure she has more to tell.”

 

Confusion is evident on her face. ”What do you mean?”

 

”Last I heard, they had a thing for each other. Back in senior year.”

 

” _What?_ ”

 

Her eyes focuses immediately on her best friend, who is now cleaning the soda off from Octavia’s lap. The blush on her face is barely visible, but it’s still there nevertheless. That gains a chuckle from the blonde.

 

Clarke knew that after the break-up with Finn, and after having her leg paralyzed, Raven had been busy experimenting with a whole lot of partners. What she had been completely unaware of was that it also included girls. Though she should’ve guesses it. Raven isn’t one to miss out on some fun.

 

”It’s true,” Finn confirms with a chukle.

 

”And she didn’t even tell me!” Clarke exclaims, jokingly putting on a pout. ”Rude.”

 

As she makes eye-contact with Finn, she can’t help but laugh. He follows her example, and soon enough both of them are giggling as they stare at their surprisingly secretive friend. They love her. That’s for sure.

 

Once Clarke has gotten enough of looking at all the drunk teenagers, she reassumes her position from before, head gently placed on his shoulder. As the smell from Finn’s sweater replaces the scent of the bonfire, Clarke closes her eyes, not bothering to tire her mind with all the endless questions that had popped into her brain in the last couple minutes.

 

Tonight she is going to enjoy the company of her boyfriend, play some drinking games, and then head home to her place and have some mind-blowing sex.

 

Yeah, that sounds like a good way to end high school.

 

-

 

**Present day**

 

”You nervous, princess?”

 

Bellamy’s eyes leave the road, glancing down at the blonde sitting in the passenger seat.

 

”No, not really,” Clarke doesn’t bother looking up from her phone, where she is very successfully beating her high score on Temple Run. ”Though I’m slightly concerned about what my roommate will be like.”

 

”Who did you get paired up with?” he asks, fingers drumming on the wheel, somewhat matching the beat of the song playing on the radio.

 

”Uh,” her brows furrow as she quickly searches through her bag, grabbing the residency assignments and reading the name standing next to her’s. ”Alexandria Woods.”

 

The boy makes a disapproving tsk-tsk sound, which immediately peaks Clarke’s curiosity.

 

”You know her?”

 

”Just from afar,” he replies, not sounding too impressed.

 

”Well, as long as she isn’t a reincarnation of Satan, I should be good,” she jokingly states, earning a chuckle as response from Bellamy.

 

”Don’t get your hopes up, princess.”

 

She returns her attention back to the phone, her tongue sticking out, a clear sign of concentration. She is determined to kick ass.

 

”Cute.”

 

At the sound of Bell’s voice, she realizes that she was being watched. Clarke can’t stop herself from blushing.

 

”Just keep your eyes on the road, yeah?” she confronts him, her tone anything but serious. ”

 

 

 

”We’ll be there in five”, Bellamy declares, putting an end to the silence that had been there a few moments ago.

 

”Thank God,” she replies, stretching her back. ”No offense, but your car is everything _but_ comfortable.”

 

”None taken”, he says with a smirk.

 

 

Just as they pull up in front of the main building, her phone buzzes, alerting Clarke of the message she had received. There was no need to check who the message was from, she was well-aware of who it was. He had been texting her everyday, ever since she broke up with him.

 

-

 

**_Six weeks ago_ **

****

_”What..?”_

_His voice is barely above a whisper, those warm, brown eyes filling with tears._

_”I-I don’t understand,” he tries meeting Clarke’s gaze, but her blue eyes were firmly focused on the ground, too busy staring at her shoes. ”I thought you loved me.”_

_That statement was enough to get the blonde to raise her head, finally locking her dry, cold eyes with his tearful ones._

_”I’m sorry Finn, but I don’t have the energy to have this discussion right now,” she replies, her voice deprived of all emotion._

_”_ You _don’t have the energy?” Finn raises his voice, taking a step closer to Clarke._

_The rate of her heartbeat increases when the smell of his breath hits her in the face. He has been drinking, she realizes. Clarke can’t help it, but fear overwhelms her. She is scared of the one person who was supposed to make her feel safe. The paradox of the situation could have been borderline hilarious, if it weren’t for the fact that Finn could be extremely ill-tempered when intoxicated._

_”I’m not the one who said we should meet and talk, Clarke”, he continues, anger flashing in his eyes. ”You were the one who dragged me out here, so you better start talking.”_

_”What do you want me to say, huh?” All the pent-up emotions that she’s been bottling up inside of her ever since school ended, suddenly seems ready to explode out of her. Before this conversation, Clarke had decided that she wouldn’t overreact, that she would be calm and levelheaded. That decision was now long forgotten. ”That I don’t want to be with a drunken idiot who only hurts the people around him? Is that what you wanted to hear?”_

_Once the words leave her mouth, she immediately regrets saying them. The way Finn stumbles backwards, shock and hurt written all over his face, only makes her feel worse. Guilt rushes through her body, her throat tightening._

_”I-I’m sorry,” she stutters, tears blurring her vision. ”I shouldn’t have said that.”_

_”Just leave, Clarke”, he mumbles, his voice low and raspy._

_And she does._

-

 

**Present day**

** Finn (9.42am): **

**Please talk to me.**

The phone is immediately slid into her backpocket, before she exits the car. Bellamy is already getting the cardboard boxes out of the trunk. Clarke catches herself staring at a boy across the street. His tan color and toned body certainly earns him a flirty wink. If the rest of the boys here looked this good, she was going to have the time of her life.

 

Bellamy clears his throat, immediately pulling Clarke out of her trance. She has just arrived at the university and is now already checking out a guy. Good job, Griff. Good fucking job.

 

”Think you can handle those two?” he asks, an eyebrow raised.

 

”Oh, _please_ ”, she takes hold of her backpack and the other box, a cocky smirk sent to the freckled boy standing across from her.

 

”Alright, princess”, he replies, followed by a smirk aimed at her, before heading towards the entrance. ”Try to at least keep up.”

 

-

 

”So if you need any help or anything just call me, all right?” he says, placing the boxes he had been carrying on the ground.

 

”Yes, Bellamy. I know”, Clarke replies, a smile on her face.

 

”Good,” the smile is returned. ”O and Raven should be here any minute.”

 

”Thanks for the help”, Clarke replies, opening her arms.

 

Bellamy doesn’t miss a beat and immediately wraps his own arms around her.

 

”Take care of yourself, princess.”

 

With that said, he turns around, just about to the reach for the door handle when the door itself swings open.

 

On the other side of the threshold stands the girl Clarke had seen at the graduation party. Lexa…A **lexa** ndria, her mind making the connection she was too dumb to make back in the car.

 

The girl’s eyes are green as a forest, and could possibly be described as pretty, if it weren’t for the way she was glaring at both of them. The way she held herself clearly showing how she was filled with pride. Clarke’s blue eyes sweep over her new roommate’s body, carefully noting that the brunette had a good sense of style. Her hair was no longer down, but instead in braids, making her appear more ”formal”. The white t-shirt she was sporting looked surprisingly good, especially with her flannel shirt wrapped around her hips. And not to mention the black jeans, with matching boots.

 

Though with that being said, there was absolutely no warmth, whatsoever, in her expression, Clarke concludes with. She had been right, after all, Lincoln’s cousin was in fact intimidating.

 

The sound of Bellamy’s voice snaps her out of her thoughts.

 

”Woods.”

 

So he does know her?

 

”Blake.”

 

And she knows him?

 

At the sudden appearance of, Lexa (?), the temperature in the room seemed to have dropped below zero degrees. Clarke was barely able to recognize Bellamy’s voice, the sharp edge to it almost frightening.

 

”See you, Clarke”, her friend calls out, before squeezing himself past her roommate.

 

Lexa steps inside the room, letting the door shut close behind her. The awkward silence is unbearable, as they stand there, staring at each other.

 

”I’m Clarke, your new roommate.” She decides to end this staring contest. Hopefully Miss ”Don’t-Fuck-With-Me” has manners, and introduces herself as well.

 

”That’s rather self-explanatory, given that you’re inside my room,” she replies, moving past Clarke. ”Don’t you think?”

 

Turns out, her roommate does, in fact, lack basic polite manners.

 

Great.

 

They spend the next hour and a half unpacking and organizing their stuff.

 

In utter silence.

 

Clarke is very well aware of the fact that if she has to spend another minute inside this room, she’ll go insane. Being quiet is one of the few things she isn’t particularly good at.

 

Whenever she tried to strike up a conversation with Lexa, she’d either be met with a stern glare, some grunts or a one-worded answer.

 

Just as she feels the last bits of her sanity slip away, the door to their dorm is nearly kicked open, revealing a slightly tipsy Raven, accompanied by Octavia.

 

”Party Girl Griffin in da house!” her mechanic friend yells, a wide grin visible on her face. By the looks of it, someone is already living the college life.

 

The grin that had up until this moment been decorating her friend’s features, were now frozen in something that could best be described as a grimace. Raven’s jaw had immediately dropped, as her eyes landed on Lexa.

 

”Just my fucking luck”, she mutters under her breath.

 

Lexa doesn’t really have a reaction, aside from the slight curve of her lips.

 

That motherfucker is smirking.

 

Correction:

 

That hilarious* motherfucker is smirking.

 

-

 

”Fucking unbelievable!” Raven exclaims the minute Octavia closes the door behind her.

                                 

They had now migrated over to her best friend’s dorm, the lucky bastards that got paired up together.

 

”Calm down, Reyes”, O replies, gently patting the shoulder of her roommate.

 

Clarke ignores Raven’s tirade, as she paces up and down the floor, and instead makes herself comfortable on Octavia’s bed. Now that the familiar, and comfortable feel of a can of beer in her hand is there, she can finally bring her attention back to her rambling friend.

 

It takes a lot of patience to endure a ranting Raven entirely sober.

 

She knows that from experience.

 

”Seriously Raven, we get it, she was a pain in the ass back in high school,” Octavia interrupts. ”But can you please get over yourself?”

 

”Dunno, O, you struggled moving on after Atom. Getting over hot people you’ve hooked up with isn’t always easy”, Clarke blurts out, cursing her big, stupid mouth even before the words were said.

 

Maybe sober Clarke wouldn’t have done that slip-up. Sadly, she’ll never know.

 

”Back the fuck up.”

 

Octavia glances bewilderedly from Clarke and over to Raven, who looks like she’d rather be everywhere else, but in this room right now.

 

”You had a fling with Lexa Woods?” she asks, though it was more of a statement than a question.

 

” _The_ Lexa Woods?”

 

The blush creeping up on Raven’s chin was almost as red as her go-to jacket. Clarke had to stifle a giggle.

 

Of course, she felt bad. How could she not after accidentally having outed her best friend? _But_ , seeing the cocky mechanic flustered, and with no one-liners at hand was definitely entertaining, and not something one sees very often.

 

”Yes, O,” Raven finally answers, her voice strained. ”Lexa fucking Woods.”

 

Octavia responds with an impressed nod, before raising her beer towards Clarke.

 

”Cheers for Raven-Not-So-Straight-Reyes!”

 

-

 

”Hey, Clarke?” Her beauty sleep is interrupted by Raven’s arms gently shaking her shoulders. ”Not to be rude, but _someone_ -” a glare is sent to Octavia, ”is occupying my bed, and I really need some sleep.”

 

Within matter of seconds, Clarke is out of the bed, taking in her surroundings.

 

Beer cans are all over the place, half-eaten slices of pizza covering half of the floor, and a sleeping Octavia sprawled out over Raven’s bed. By the looks of it, she’s sleeping peacefully.

 

The decision to order pizza instead of checking out the cafeteria seemed like a good idea several hours ago, but now, looking at the mess they had created, Clarke regrets not choosing the shitty food from the dining hall. Her energy fuel was running on empty, and even the thought of making it to her own dorm sounded like an impossible task. Not to mention cleaning up this disaster.

 

”Don’t worry about it,” her friend states, clearly having noticed the blonde’s horrified expression. ”O and I will clean it up in the morning.”

 

Clarke responds with an appreciative nod, before heading towards the door.

 

”Hold on a second”, Raven says, lowering her voice to a whisper. ”How did you know about, you know?”

 

She hesitates, not really knowing whether to lie, or tell the truth. Finn and Raven’s relationship had been rather rocky ever since they broke up, and Clarke was unsure as to whether it would survive another blow. One thing is for an old friend of yours to tell an explosive secret, but it’s a whole other thing when it comes from your ex.

 

”Finn told you, didn’t he?”

 

Of course, she would know.

 

”Yeah,” Clarke replies, biting on her lip. ”I’m really sorry Raven. It really wasn’t any of my business, and neither was it Octavia’s.”

 

Her friend shakes her head, her half-smile growing into a full one. ”It’s fine, Griff.”

 

”If you say so.” The smile is returned.

 

”We’ll come by in the morning, yeah? Give you a tour of our good ol’ campus?”

 

”Sounds good. Sleep tight Raven!”

 

Before the door slams shut, she can hear her friend yelling something along the lines of ”Stop being so sappy, Griffin!”.

 

That certainly provoked a smirk from the blonde.

 

As she stumbled into her dorm, that was now pitch-dark, the realization of not having thought of Finn all day hit her. It was a strange feeling, knowing that a few months ago she would spend her whole day thinking about him, daydreaming about finally having his arms wrapped around her. And now, here she was, in college, all alone. She has her friends of course, but it’s not the same.

 

Not being able to resist the temptation, she pulls her phone out, seeing the three unread messages she had received in the past hours. Two from her mom, one from Finn.

 

** Finn (9.17): **

****

**Fine. U can ignore me all u want. I’ll see u in class next week.**

She doesn’t reply.

 

** Mom (10.02): **

****

**Everything all right, sweetheart?**

** Mom (10.47): **

****

**Send me a message when you see this, please. Just wanted to hear how you’re doing. Love, Mom.**

She quickly types out her response, hitting send.

 

** Me (11.28): **

****

**all good mom. spent the evening with raven and octavia. we’re settled in all right. love u.**

The phone is placed on her nightstand, before she moves over to her bag, pulling out a big t-shirt, one she had stolen from the Blake’s. Judging by the smell, and size of course, it had belonged to Bellamy. As she tripped across the floor of their dorm, trying to wiggle her pants off of her, she bumped into her nightstand, causing quite the commotion. In response, a grunt came from her roommate’s bed.

 

”Could you be _any_ louder?” Lexa’s muffled voice is coming from under her duvet and two blankets. She looks like a living burrito. A grumpy, living burrito.

 

”Don’t tempt me”, Clarke grumbles, as she finally frees herself from the prison that is wearing pants.

 

With a quick motion, her sweater and bra lands on the floor, right next to the pair of pants she had been wearing previously. Bellamy’s old shirt is quickly put on, before she climbs into bed, pleasantly surprised at the softness of the mattress.

 

She misses home deeply. Her thoughts drift off to the time when she was still young, and the five of them, Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Finn and herself would play in the streets. They had been best friends ever since the start of middle school. Clarke had met Octavia, who had introduced her to her older brother, and his friend Finn. Finn had introduced her to Raven and suddenly they had come full circle. Bellamy was always the one coming over after school, helping Clarke with her homework. He had been patient, and a good teacher. Never yelling, or raising his voice whenever she misunderstood, or had given the wrong answer. Ever since then, their friendship had been strong. It was a calming thought, knowing that there were people out there who would always support you, no matter what.

 

-

 

Just as she’s about to drift off to sleep, her eyelids dangerously heavy, the genius idea of attempting to converse with Lexa at this ungodly hour pops into her mind.

 

”How was your day?” she asks softly, careful as to not to provoke a hostile reaction.

 

”I’m trying to sleep, Clarke”, Lexa responds, her voice rather sleepy, but not unfriendly, as she had previously anticipated. It sounded almost kind, if not tender.

 

”Yeah, right. Of course,” the blond mumbles, before turning to face the wall. ”Good night.”

 

”Sweet dreams, Clarke.”

 

She tries convincing herself that the butterflies in her stomach were due to the excitement of officially starting college, and not for the fact that her possibly good-looking roommate bothered uttering three words.

 

-

 

The first two weeks of college were quite pleasant. Her biology professor, Nyko, is rather sweet, and generous when it comes to the amount of homework he assigns. Raven and Octavia have already dragged her to five parties, where she managed to get some action in all of them. She had to admit that even if Finn was a jerk half of the time, he sure knew how to please a girl. And she would be lying if she’d say she hadn’t missed it.

 

Speaking of Finn, she had also been successfully avoiding him for the past two weeks and a half. Sadly, the same also applied to her intimidating roommate. Their schedules were entirely different, and the few times they could’ve spent a few hours getting to know each other was instead spent with them hanging out with their own group of friends. And as much as she tried to tell herself that it didn’t bother her, it did. It really did. Lexa was the definition of a living mystery (and a burrito) in Clarke’s eyes, and she’d be damned if she didn’t try to do anything about it.

 

Clarke was laying in her bed, reading through some of her notes, trying her best to decipher what she had written. Downsides of being a leftie? Everything you write with a pen will get smudged. Her blue eyes drifts from her already worn notebook, and over to Lexa’s side of the room. You’d think she was expecting the Queen of England to come for a visit, judging by how tidy everything was. Clarke doesn’t even dare to compare all of her own clothes scattered all over the floor, desk and bed, to the organized items Lexa had on her table.

 

A quick glance was sent to her digital clock, telling her that the time was 5.42pm. Lexa’s class would end in roughly minutes, which meant she’d be here in twenty-five. That also meant she had twenty-five minutes she could use to get to know her roommate a little better.

 

Not wanting to waste any more time than necessary, she gets up from her bed, crossing the invisible barrier that had been between where Clarke stayed, and where Lexa did.

 

She starts with looking through the other’s backpack, coming across what seems like a journal. Yeah, Clarke is _technically_ invading her privacy, but she isn’t that much of a dick. Journals are top-classified personal shit.

 

The blonde continues going through the belongings in the backpack, finding all sorts of things, raging from napkins to old headphones and a PC charger. A couple of textbooks were also neatly set up inside. Clarke tosses the bag back to where she found it, before heading over to Lexa’s drawers. She looks through the two drawers on tope, before coming across some cute underwear. The bra-section was several sizes smaller than Clarke’s, but cute nevertheless. Without any control over her mind, dirty thoughts pass through it. She can feel the heat in her cheeks rising, the minute the thought of her roommate in nothing but lingerie crosses her mind.

 

Bad Griffin, bad Griffin. Not a good time to be a horny motherfucker.

 

An uncomfortable ”Ahem,” alerts her to the fact that she is no longer alone.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

”What do you think you’re doing?”

 

Clarke swirls around, attempting to put on the most innocent smile she had in store, and the biggest puppy eyes ever seen by mankind.

 

”I-uhm,” she could practically feel the wheels turning in her mind, trying to come up with a clever, and believable excuse. ”I was looking for some, uh, tampons.”

 

Her roommate raises an eyebrow, her expression unreadable as usual, before she begins digging through her purse, pulling out the sanitary item in question. Lexa takes a step closer, dropping the tampon in Clarke’s palm, avoiding all physical contact.

 

”Thanks”, she replies, a small and slightly awkward smile sent to the other.

 

To her very own surprise, Clarke receives a half-smile filled with something that could best be described as compassion. Though let’s face it, any person with a vagina would feel compassion towards a person who has their time of the month.

After rushing to the bathroom to ”use” the tampon, she returned to an empty dorm. As she looks around, trying to make sense of why Lexa would’ve left so suddenly, her blue eyes fall on the note laying on the counter.

 

_Went to the grocery store. Back in 5 mins._

_L._

The temptation to continue her personal investigation is still there, but she definitely doesn’t fancy the idea of having to endure another awkward confrontation like the previous one. Instead, she plops down her bed again, a grunt escaping her lips at the thought of studying again.

 

After a few minutes of consideration, Clarke decides that biology can wait. She ends up pulling her laptop out, scrolling through Netflix in a search for a decent movie. Her attention is ultimately drawn away from Adam Sandler’s face on the cover, and over to the door that reveals a Lexa burdened by several plastic bags.

 

”Need help with those?”

 

Her roommate’s only response is a slight shake of her head, before she begins spilling the contents of the bags on their table. By the looks of it, she had bought the whole candy section of the store. And the fact that she was only away for a few minutes made it a hundred times more impressive.

 

”I figured you’d want to make yourself comfortable,” Lexa begins rambling, almost as if she was nervous. ”So I bought you some snacks, a bit of everything, because I have no clue as to what you actually like.”

 

The sweet gesture brings a smile to Clarke’s lips as she gets up from her bed, heading over to the table. When she said she’d bought a little bit of everything she wasn’t joking. Chocolate, chips, candy, cookies, soda etc. was covering every part of the table’s surface.

 

”I mean, you really didn’t have to”, she mumbles, suddenly feeling guilty. She is, after all, not actually on her period.

 

Lexa just shrugs, before grabbing a Bounty bar and ripping the plastic off, taking a small bite. She exhales, clearly enjoying the chocolate. The sight of her roommate being content, if not happy, was wonderful to watch. The few times she had seen Lexa seemingly happy, was never when she was around.

 

Clarke wasn’t actually aware of how much she was staring, up until Lexa very ungraciously pointed out the obvious.

 

”You’re staring, Clarke.”

 

She is immediately snapped out of her thoughts, turning around and quickly grabbing one of the Skittles bags, trying her best to hide the darker shade of red on her cheeks.

 

Regaining her composure, she faces Lexa, a confident smirk placed on her face.

 

”You wish.”

 

Not bothering to wait for a reaction, she buries her body into the mattress, pulling a blanket over herself. Meanwhile, she’s organizing her pillows, attempting to find a comfortable position, she could hear the sound of her roommate’s chuckle.

 

Clarke wondered if she’d ever hear Lexa laugh.

 

-

 

About an hour passes as they stay in their own beds, Clarke browsing old pictures on her PC, giggling at the dozens of pictures the Blakes and her had taken two summers ago, back when they had traveled to Cali with Marcus, and Lexa reading some dull-looking book.

 

Let’s be real, everything compared to Bellamy’s duckface pictures, as he was mocking the typical teenage girls, is dull. She moves on to the next photo, her heart suddenly stuck in her throat, as she struggles with breathing. The picture shows a blonde, fifteen-year-old girl with her tongue sticking out, happiness visible in every part of her face, next to a handsome looking man, the gray streaks in his hair barely visible.

 

Before she can even gain control herself, tears are rolling down her cheeks, creating patterns on her skin. A hollow and empty sob pushes past lips that were firmly clenched together, doing their best attempts at being quiet, with no avail. The next she knows, she’s crying, not being able to stop the waterfall emerging from her eyes.

 

”Clarke?”

 

Lexa’s voice is soft and kind, filled with concern. It was strange to hear, compared to her usual cool and sarcastic tone. The sound of the other’s bed creaking let’s Clarke know that the brunette is on the move, probably making her way over to her own bed.

 

Her whole body is shaking, the sobs rattling through all of her, the pain of knowing that she was never going to hear his voice again crushing her. It wasn’t fair that he was gone. It wasn’t fair that he had left her here in this big world, in a time when she needed him the most.

 

Clarke can feel Lexa gently patting her shoulder, but she doesn’t have the energy to push her away, to scream and yell at her that nothing she says or does will make this better. That this suffering will never go away. This pain is something she is forced to live with. Though surprisingly, Lexa doesn’t say anything. She just sits there, giving the comforting silence Clarke so desperately needs.

 

”Do you like tea?” Lexa quietly whispers, careful not to upset Clarke more than she already is. The question does surprise her, not really sure what this has got to do with anything, but she nods, before burying her head in her hands.

 

The weight of the bed suddenly shifts, the heat Lexa had been radiating disappearing as she moves over to the kitchen, rummaging through their shelves. Clarke lowers her head down again, not bothering to watch what her roommate is up to. Instead, she wraps the blanket tightly around her, trying to pretend that it gave the same warmth and comfort you’d get from an embrace.

 

By the sound of Lexa’s project in the kitchen, it seems she was making her some tea. The sudden kindness coming from her was certainly warming Clarke’s heart. In the time it took to prepare the beverage, she had managed to calm herself down, her body finally done shaking.

 

As the brunette places the scalding hot cup in her trembling hands, blue tear-filled eyes glance up, meeting a pair of warm, green eyes. A grateful smile is given to Lexa, before she brings the cup to her lips, taking a small sip, careful not to burn her tongue.

 

”We only had Earl Grey,” Lexa explains, sitting down beside Clarke. ”Hope you don’t mind.”

 

She shakes her head.

 

”It’s perfect”, Clarke replies, her voice somewhat raspier than usual. Though that can only be expected after several minutes of crying.

 

The familiar half-smile appears on her roommate’s features.

 

”What is your favorite Disney movie?”

 

Lexa, back at it again with those random questions.

 

”The Lion King.”

 

Without another word, the brunette grabs her own laptop, having quickly rented the movie in question. She begins to tuck Clarke in, setting pillows up behind her back, before wrapping another blanket around the two of them.

 

”What do you say to a movie night, huh?”

 

She doesn’t object.

 

As Lexa presses play, Clarke carefully leans into her roommate, enjoying the physical and emotional support she was giving. Lexa doesn’t say anything but keeps her eyes fixed on the screen where Simba is currently waking up his parents. The blonde allows herself a quick glance at her, trying her best not to get caught up in Lexa’s features from up-close. She makes a mental note about the barely visible little freckle above her upper lip before she returns her focus to the movie playing.

 

When she comes to herself and realizes that she had dozed off, she notices how her head is carefully resting in Lexa’s lap. Out of the corner of her eyes, she can see that her roommate is once again reading that dull book. Clarke lets out a content sigh, feeling calm and at peace. Her sudden breakdown had certainly taken a toll on her, but Lexa had done a great job at making her feel better.

 

The minute she feels Lexa shifting in her seat, she immediately closes her eyes shut, not wanting to put an end to this peaceful moment.

 

Pretending to fall asleep quickly turns into falling asleep.

 

As Clarke senses her consciousness slipping away, she remains oblivious to the way someone is carefully caressing her face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked the first chapter. still trying to gain my feel for the characters and such, but expect frequent updates.
> 
> if you have any questions, or would like to follow my boring life, hit me up at lexafromtrikru@tumblr.com


	2. october

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke hangs out with the squad. cheesy, fluffy clexa moments are also to be expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so chapter 2 is here. i'm glad to see that u guys are enjoying reading this shit, as much as i enjoy writing it. 
> 
> also, big thank you to multifancyfangirl.tumblr.com for proofreading and betaing the hell out of this chapter. love u mate.

The buzzing sound coming from her phone is what jolts her awake. An annoyed groan is the only thing Clarke bothers reacting with, her body protesting as she reaches across her nightstand, fumbling after the phone. Once the cell is in her hand, and the light shining from it illuminating half of the room, she lays her eyes on the burrito. Lexa is in her natural habitat, under several layers of blankets. Clarke feels a pang in her chest, the second she realizes that her roomie had left her in her own solitude, alone in her bed. Though, she had been sweet enough to tuck the blonde in, and made sure she was comfortable with at least a dozen pillows.

 

Clearly someone is very eager to get in touch with her, because her iPhone buzzes loudly again, causing Clarke’s heart to leap out of her chest.

 

** Raven (00.36 AM): **

****

**friday night with the squad, 8 pm @ the boys’ place. be there or be square.**

** Raven (01.08 AM): **

****

**no response? i feel offended.**

** Raven (01.12 AM): **

****

**u better be screwing some sex god, bc no other excuse will do.**

** Raven (01.12 AM): **

****

**I WILL NOT BE IGNORED.**

** Raven (01.18 AM): **

****

**are u masturbating? is that it?**

** Raven (01.32 AM): **

****

**clarke.**

** Raven (01.33 AM): **

****

**CLARKE.**

** Raven (01.42 AM): **

****

**rude.**

Clarke can’t help but giggle.

 

** Clarke (01.49 AM): **

**jesus raven. ever heard of sleeping?**

** Clarke (01.49 AM): **

****

**and what the hell do u mean by ”squad”?**

Her head rests against the headboard, all of her energy put into keeping her eyes open. If she would accidentally open the front camera right now, she would probably scream. Rudely awaken Clarke = Horrifying Clarke. That is a proven fact. She does her best ignoring the voice in her head that had silently thanked God for the fact that Lexa was asleep.

 

** Raven (01.51 AM): **

****

**bullshit. there is no such thing as sleep.**

** Raven (01.51 AM):  **

****

**aren’t u supposed to be the bright one? squad aka octavia, bellamy, lincoln and a few of his friends.**

Ah right. The brunette had gained some extra friends in her first year at Uni.

 

** Clarke (01.53 AM): **

****

**fair enough. now let me sleep.**

** Raven (01.54 AM): **

****

**roger that.**

-

 

By the time she wakes up, this time feeling well-rested, Lexa is already gone. Clarke can’t help but shake off the feeling that she is disappointed. Some part of her had been hoping to see the other before heading to class. The other part of her was happy that she could take a shit without anyone else in the dorm. She’d rather avoid being the cause of someone dying due to her toxic gas.

 

With her textbooks and PC in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, she makes her way down the hallway, squeezing past the dozens of bodies taking up space. It was a tight fit and before she knew it, her clumsy body collided with a huge one, her belongings flying everywhere. Including the drink. Which very graceful hit, none other than Bellamy right in the chest.

 

”Watch where you’re going, princess.”

 

A swift _fuck_ was her response as she frantically tried to gather all of her shit, while also apologizing.

 

”I am so sorry Bellamy,” she says, trying to use some of her notes to dry the brown stain on her friend’s shirt. Thank God it wasn’t white.

 

He only responds with a laugh as he takes the wet paper out of her hand, throwing it in the trash can besides them. ”I think I’ll survive.”

 

Noticing how they are blocking the path to the rest of the students, Clarke quickly grabs Bellamy by his arm, dragging him over to the wall. Looking down at his completely ruined t-shirt, guilt rushes through her, as she curses her incompetence at behaving like a proper adult.

 

”I’ll buy you a new one,” she offers.

 

His dark brows furrow.

 

”It’s a cheap shirt I bought on sale, Clarke.”

 

”Yeah, a shirt I covered in my cappuccino.”

 

He waves his hand dismissively, a shake of his head accompanying the motion.

 

”I’ve got bigger problems right now, such as attending my lecture,” Bellamy replies, before squeezing her arm gently. ”You can make it up to me by coming to the get-together this week.”

 

”Don’t worry, I wouldn’t miss it.”

 

Her friend only sends Clarke a wide smile, before blending into the crowd, blue eyes quickly losing track of him. With a shake of her head and an attempt at not feeling shameful, she too disappears into the masses.

 

-

 

”You’re late,” is Octavia’s only remark.

 

”Good morning to you too,” she replies, taking a seat next to the brunette. By the looks of it, professor Indra is also arriving late, a relieved sigh escaping Clarke’s lips. She can’t afford to give any bad impressions to the teachers this semester.

 

Her hand reaches across their laptops, books, and notes, before grabbing a scalding hot coffee. She takes a small sip, savoring the feeling of how the burning liquid trickles down her throat. Suddenly, the weight on her shoulders no longer feels as heavy, and the task of staying awake doesn’t seem as demanding as it had mere seconds ago. Clarke’s gaze goes over the delicately written name on the Starbucks cup, admiring the barista’s accuracy.

 

”Next time you crave coffee, how ’bout bringing your own?” Her friend’s grumpy self-seemed even more sulky, if such thing was possible.

Clarke quickly raises her hands in defense, not in the mood for an argument. ”Will do.”

 

Instead of being a victim of a verbal attack, the blonde decides to scan the crowds of students seated in the auditorium. Most of them had followed Octavia’s example and were now looking at their phone, with the exception of the few that were actually doing what they’re here for, also known as studying. Clarke tries searching for familiar faces, but the only ones here, besides her friend, are strangers. Given, she had seen some of them at a party last week.

 

The staring quickly got boring, and she returned her attention to Octavia, who was now entirely immersed in a serious game of candy crush. ”I still don’t get why you’re taking this class,” Clarke states, eyeing her friend. She only earns a questioning raise of the other’s eyebrows. ”I mean, you hate art. You hate drawing. And it’s not like you’re particularly skilled at it either.”

 

”Geeze, Clarkie,” her friend finally raises her head, locking their eyes. ”Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Even though her tone isn’t what you’d call light-hearted, the pulling of her lips lets Clarke know that she hasn’t lost her sense of humor. Yet. College had a way of making you more serious. Both of them had experienced it first hand when Raven headed to Uni a year ago. All of sudden, the spruddling and constantly joyful mechanic turned into a less spruddling and joyful version of herself. As her memory flashed a picture of the pile consisting of unfinished assignments and homework covering her desk, she couldn’t help but understand the development in Raven’s behavior.

 

”No, but seriously, tell me.” Clarke is in no way done with the subject. ”Why is someone who was zero interest for art, take a class that is solely based upon the history of said topic.”

 

The answer to her inquiry arrives the minute she words her question, spotting Indra striding over to the monitor, closely followed by Lincoln. So _that_ is Octavia’s secret muse.

 

”Never mind,” she says, the statement accompanied by a giggle. The glare her friend shoots Clarke immediately shuts her up, though the smirk that had been on her face remains.

 

-

 

She allows herself a brief glance at the clock while nearly sprinting down the street.

 

**08.03 PM**

She’s late.

 

Her heartbeat quickens as she picks up the pace, now running at top speed. Clarke was never the fast kid in elementary school, but if needed, she could run with a rather decent speed. And right now, it was very much needed. The last thing she needs is a lecture from Raven or Bellamy for that matter, on disrespectful it is to waste other people’s time. One thing is to pour your cappuccino all over someone, but to also contribute to that someone’s pet peeve is entirely different.

 

Rounding the corner, the frat house where Bellamy, Lincoln and some other dudes have their residency, and prior to their break up, where Finn was supposed to live, becomes visible on the horizon. It looks nothing like your typical college frat house, but rather a mansion. The three-story tall, white building is huge in comparison to the other houses in the neighborhood, clearly standing out. And judging by the pictures Raven had shown her from the countless parties that usually take place there, it doesn’t look any worse from the inside, then from the outside.

 

Clarke dashes through the yard, which was taken care of by an old man who is currently watering the flowers, almost colliding with the door. She repeatedly pushes the doorbell, anxious to get inside. Her feet is bouncing up and down the pavement, another sign of how impatient she could be. One of the many qualities she doesn’t like about herself.

 

”About time, Griff,” Raven states, stepping aside in order to let the blonde inside. Her jaw drops the minute she steps over the threshold, not wanting to believe her eyes. On the wall across from her, one of the most beautiful paintings she had ever seen was hung up, the gorgeous colors illustrating a forest. The artist had clearly gone into detail when creating this masterpiece because Clarke could easily see distinctions between the different birds soaring above the trees, and each leaf looking like it had been painted individually. Which was probably the case. A sudden urge, to reach out, to run her fingertips across the dried paint and just to _feel_ it overwhelms her. It takes all her self-control to refrain from doing that.

 

”He’s truly talented, isn’t he?” her friend’s voice is what pulls her out of the conversation she had been having with her inner artist. Once the meaning of the words dawn on her, Clarke’s mouth widens even more.

 

”Lincoln drew this?”

 

Raven nods, a wide grin visible on her features. ”Come, compliment him in person.”

 

A quick tour of the house is given to her. The first floor is where the kitchen is, the home cinema and the dining room. On the second floor is where all the bedrooms are, Lincoln’s right next to Bellamy’s. Clarke can’t help the smile growing at the thought of how displeased Octavia must’ve been at the realization. No loud sex for the two of them. If they ever get as far as hooking up, that is. The third floor is what they refer to as the common room, where they usually hang out. That is also where everyone is staying at the moment.

 

While Raven heads downstairs to the kitchen, she greets everyone with a smile, starting with Bellamy who is sitting at the far end of the couch, trying his best to ignore Lincoln’s conveniently placed hand on Octavia’s thigh. The previously mentioned love birds don’t really notice the smirk on Clarke’s face, instead, they are drowning in each other’s eyes.

 

Love.

 

Disgusting.

 

But also wonderful.

 

She does her best to push Finn out of her thoughts.

 

Next to the two of them is where two guys, she only knows them by name, Quint, and Gus, are sitting. The bald dude, the one they call Quint, is impatiently tapping his feet. Clarke is pleased to discover that she isn’t the only one blessed with that awful trait.

 

”They’re supposed to be here by now,” the guy with the beard declares.

 

Not really knowing what is going on, or who they’re waiting for, she decides to take a seat next to Bellamy, where she can comfortably wait.

 

”Hello, princess,” he says, his voice lacking all sorts of enthusiasm. Her friend doesn’t even bother to meet her eyes, and instead focuses his hazel eyes at the TV where some baseball game is being broadcasted.

 

”I see you found another shirt I can possibly ruin,” Clarke jokingly comments, nodding her head towards his plain, black t-shirt. The chuckle that leaves his mouth is accompanied by a small smile, which only leads to her own smile growing bigger. Nothing was more pleasing than making Bellamy smile when he didn’t want to. It could best be described as a personal achievement.

 

Turning her attention away from Mr. ”Not-In-The-Mood-To-Talk”, she faced Lincoln and Octavia, interrupting their not so subtle flirting. ”What exactly are we doing tonight?”

 

Just as Lincoln opens his mouth to reply, the doorbell rings, before Raven’s loud voice fills the house. It was impossible to understand what she was saying, the sound waves not standing a chance against the massive spaces that the house consisted of. After a bit of commotion, and some more loudness from the mechanic, the newly arrived people started making their way upstairs, followed by Raven.

 

The first one to enter the common room was a girl she had never seen before, her impressive and curly hair taking Clarke’s breath away. The second thing she notices is her eyebrows. They are on point. As she is about to voice the compliment in her mind, her blue eyes drift over from the stranger and to the person standing awkwardly beside her. Out of all the people she had expected to see, Lexa definitely wasn’t one of them. Her roommate has yet to notice her because right now she was too occupied with watching Raven. The mechanic was cleaning off the table in front of them, replacing the empty beer cans with new ones.

 

”Raven, what’s going on?”, Clarke inquires, looking at the new girl as she sits down besides Gustus.

 

Her own raspy voice had caught Lexa’s attention, it seemed, because as her eyes glanced back to her roomie, the green orbs had already been staring. She tries to ignore the way her pulse quickens the minute they lock their eyes, nearly drowning in the other’s gaze.

 

Lexa’s lips part, looking as if she wants to say something, but before she can manage to get a word out, Bellamy answers her question. ”We’re going to play Monopoly,” he snarls, jaw clenching repeatedly. He was being everything but friendly, and Clarke couldn’t blame her roommate when she defensively raised her hands, before focusing her attention on her own friends.

 

Clarke turns her face so she can meet Bellamy’s eyes. ”What the hell is up with you today?” Usually, her friend is like an open book, every emotion and thought on display, but now something was different. Something was off. This time, the only thing that even remotely hinted at what was going on inside his head was the sadness in his eyes. Sadness, mixed with a little anger.

 

”Everything is fine, Clarke.”

 

The statement was far from convincing, and the way his nostrils were flaring didn’t exactly match his reply.

 

”You know you can talk to me, right?”

 

”No, I can’t,” was his only response. There wasn’t any bitterness or anger in his tone, just misery. A miserable truth. He was right of course. Bellamy had always been the one Clarke would lean on, when in need of extra support. He was the one who was forced to fix and clean up her broken pieces, every time Finn would ignore or neglect her, as he spent his evenings on booze and girls. It had always been Bellamy’s job to take care of her, ever since they first met. And after all these years, years spent with him trying to support and help her in every way possible, the thought of offering the same comfort to him never even crossed her mind. When was the last time she had asked him how he was doing? Hell, when was the last time _anyone_ asked him that question?

 

”Who’s ready to get their asses kicked by _the_ Raven Reyes?” The mechanic interrupts Clarke’s pity part on behalf of her friend by dropping the board game on the table, quickly starting to organize the money and the cards. As she went around asking people what they wanted to be; a hat, shoe, boat etc. the blonde reached out her hand, grabbing Bellamy’s.

 

The sudden affection causes him to raise is gaze, finally meeting her eyes without a mask shielding the way he feels. Shock and gratitude are written all over his face, as he immediately squeezes her hand softly. Clarke returns the squeeze, slightly harder, hoping that the touch can convey what she so desperately longs to say, but simply doesn’t know how. She is beyond thankful to have a friend like him, someone who not only understand you and your messy parts but also adores them.

 

For the rest of the evening, he doesn’t let go of her hand, with the exception of when they both decide to take a sip of the now lukewarm beer. She doesn’t really pay much attention to the rest of the group, aside from Lexa. Occasionally, she would watch out of the corner of her eyes, how she eagerly participated in the game, and quietly talked to her friend, whose name she discovered is Luna. Some parts of her wished that it was her that Lexa was so passionately talking to. Another part of her wished that she would just stop thinking about her.

 

-

 

Clarke is the first one to leave. The game had finished an hour ago, but the consumption of the alcohol would probably continue until dawn. Had it been any other night, she would probably have stayed. What could possibly be better than drinking your pants off with your group of friends? Honestly, nothing. And usually, Clarke would take whatever chance she had to spend another minute with those idiots. But not tonight. Tonight, she felt like shit. The realization that she is a crappy friend had taken a toll on her. Not to mention the loneliness. Seeing how adorable Octavia and Lincoln were together, as they occasionally stole kisses from each other, only reminded her of Finn. It was a strange feeling, knowing that a person who was no longer in your life anymore still had power over you. They hadn’t talked in over a month. Their communication mostly consisted of awkward glances as they passed each other in the hallway, before quickly looking away.

 

Truth is, she was lonely. Sex isn’t the problem here, but rather the lack of affection. She missed being able to curl up to someone at night, having strong arms wrapped around her.

 

”Isn’t it a bit too late for a girl to be walking alone?” The familiar, cool voice snaps her out of her depressive thoughts.

 

”Is that an offer to drive me home?” she replies, sneering at the brunette behind her. The appearance of Lexa had just about lifted her spirits to the max. Funny thing, how she was about to transform into a silly drunk person, seconds after having an existential crisis.

 

”Does it look like I have a car, Clarke?” Lexa narrows her eyes, clearly not noticing the flirt in the blonde’s tone.

 

”Never mind.”

 

They walk in silence, the only sound revealing that the street isn’t empty is the sound of their footsteps on the concrete. The silence isn’t necessarily unpleasant, as it had usually been when none of them were talking. This time, the quiet was a silent comfort, letting Clarke know that she wasn’t alone. That the grumpy Alexandria didn’t think she was too horrible, but instead, she even went out of her own way to accompany Clarke.

 

If it weren’t for the fact that she was borderline drunk, she would probably be embarrassed by her uneven walking and the occasional stumbling. Compared to Lexa, who still had her composure and strolled steadily, Clarke looked like a hot mess. Though she tried her best to seemingly resemble a grown adult. Not as if her roommate would actually be convinced. She had probably seen her underwear that is decorated with small teddy bears.

 

”Do you like teddy bears?” she blurted out, her mind too slow in comparison with her mouth.

 

”Huh?” Lexa’s brows furrow, not understanding where the sudden question came from. ”I guess yeah, they’re cute.”

 

”Almost as cute as my butt, am I right?” Clarke jokingly replies, bumping her elbow into the brunette’s side. Her question was followed by a loud giggle. She is almost tempted to comment on the way Lexa’ blush is cuter than her own butt and teddy bear underwear altogether.

 

”I-I don’t think I’m the appropriate person to be reflecting the state of your butt,” her roomie rambles, the color in her cheeks turning an even brighter shade of red.

 

”That’s an awfully long sentence, Lexie.”

 

To watch Lexa get more flustered with every word she said, was a sight to behold. Just as the blonde was about to find another way of turning the other into a tomato, her train of thought was interrupted by an evident statement.

 

”You’re drunk.”

 

”Thank you, Captain Obvious,” she replies with a chuckle.

 

Lexa only shakes her head in response, but the half-smile on her face confirms what Clarke had been suspecting all along; Lexa was enjoying her company.

 

-

 

”Holy fucking shit stain,” she exclaims the minute they step inside their dorm. It was as if someone had left the air conditioning on for way too long. The only problem was that they didn’t _have_ an air con.

 

As Clarke exhales, she can visually see her own breath freeze. The cold is already forming goosebumps on her skin, a shudder going through her body.

 

”What the-” Lexa mumbles, turning on the lights and looking around the room. Not seeing anything unusual, she heads over to the oven, checking the temperature. ”It’s blasting cold air.”

 

”You really have a thing for stating what is s-s-straightforward, don’t you, Sherl-l-lock?” she says, teeth chattering. Her own arms are quickly bundled around her, using them as a form of protection from the cool breeze.

 

While her roommate calls the janitor, trying to get to the bottom of this, Clarke finds her winter pajamas and slippers, before disappearing into the bathroom. The sudden heat hitting her face was gladly welcomed, enjoying the way her body started restoring her normal temperature. Her goosebumps slowly retreated, the surface of her skin smoothening out.

 

As she slips out of her clothes and into the soft, comfortable jammies, she can hear Lexa loudly arguing with the custodian. By the sound of it, they aren’t coming to an agreement. Her roommate raises her voice, now coming dangerously close to yelling and Clarke realizes that not pissing Lexa off should be at the top of her priorities. She would hate to be the person on the other end of the line.

 

 

Once Lexa goes quiet, she opens the door, bracing herself for the cold. Now that the heat from the bathroom no longer surrounds her body, her teeth resume their chattering. While sprinting across the room, over to her bed, her eyes sweep over the seemingly angry brunette. As if noticing that she is being observed, she raises her gaze, green eyes meeting blue ones. ”The heating is off in the whole building,” Lexa declares, followed by a deep sigh. ”They won’t be able to fix it before the weekend.”

 

A shiver goes down Clarke’s spine at the thought of spending two days in a room with the temperature resembling the one that is in Antartica. ”Fuck,” she grumbles, diving under the duvet. Having several blankets, like her roommate does, is a luxury she doesn’t have. Who would’ve thought she would envy the burrito Lexa was soon going to become?

 

The other shakes her head, before standing up and rummaging through her drawers, probably in a search for some warmer sleepwear. Once finding what she was looking for, she heads into the restroom. Not knowing what else to do, Clarke pulls the blanket more tightly around her body, attempting to shut the crispy air out. Not that she succeeds. Her whole body is shaking, her teeth causing a horrible sound to spread throughout their dorm. Honestly, she has no idea how she’s going to survive one night here, let alone two.

 

”I will be writing a strongly worded letter to the college, that’s for sure,” Lexa exclaims as she exits the bathroom, her arms folded over her chest. Whether it’s due to her anger, or because she is freezing, remains as an unknown factor to Clarke. Watching the other creep under her handful layers of blankets is enough to make her jealous. And a bit angry. The least Lexa could’ve done was to offer one of her blankets, instead of turning herself into a slightly-bigger-than-usual burrito.

 

”Y-you think I c-c-could borrow a blanket or t-two?” the blonde asks, trying to disguise how much she was struggling to form a coherent sentence.

 

”I’m sorry, Clarke,” Lexa replies, her voice suppressed by the duvets covering half of her face. ”I need them for myself.”

 

She only grunts as a response, before turning over to her side, now facing the wall. Not only was she sharing her room with the fucking Ice Queen herself, but now she was also held captive in her realm.

 

Whether it’s because of the previously consumed booze, or her exhaustion, or the combination of both, she gathers an amount of courage she hasn’t had in a long time and crawls out of her bed. ”I am not going to freeze to death because of your stubborn ass,” she grumbles, striding over to her roomie’s bed. Lexa’s eyelids flutter open, her green eyes focusing in on Clarke. Before she has time to protest, the blonde pushes her into the wall, before laying down beside her, the blankets now wrapped around both of them.

 

”What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Lexa growls, not appreciating how her personal space had so rudely been invaded. Clarke could feel how tense her body was, even though they weren’t even touching.

 

”Keeping both of us warm,” she mumbles in response, before wiggling closer to Mrs. Stiff-Body, sighing as the warm coming from her roommate spreads over to her own body. Not being able to stop herself, and her clouded mind not really helping her poor judgement, she squirmed a little, purposefully pushing her ass into Lexa’s crotch. The sudden gasp that comes from the brunette causes a chuckle to erupt from her own throat.

 

”I didn’t know you were so sensitive, Miss Woods,” she comments, trying to muffle the giggling by pressing her forearm against her mouth.

 

”Shut up.” Even though Lexa’s growl was everything but friendly, the way she carefully scooted closer to Clarke revealed that she was in some ways enjoying this. Subconsciously or not.

 

She doesn’t bother replying, one of the factors being that she is too busy relishing in the bliss. Not only was the warmth that had replaced the cold satisfying, but the whole aspect of cuddling up to someone was very much welcome. Sure, it’s not exactly like physical contact with people had been abscent in her seveal weeks at uni, the sex in the bathroom or in one of the guest rooms at a party serves as clear proof of that, but the sensation of being touched by a person in a way that wasn’t necessarily sexual is something that had been lacking ever since she broke up with Finn.

 

After a few minutes of absolute quiet, Lexa’s voice pierces the silence, the softness of it suprising her. ”Are you warmer?” She nods. ”Good,” the brunette whispers gently, before burying her head in Clarke’s hair. The movement sends shivers down her spine, goosebumps once again reappearing, though this time it’s not due to the temperature. She can practically feel her heart beat louder as she reaches behind herself, fumbling after her roommate’s arm. Clarke summons all her courage, carefully lifting said arm, and wraps it around her waist. She is convinced that everyone on this goddamn floor can her the way her heart is rapidly beating, as she waits for a reaction. The only thing that can be best described as a response is how Lexa softly squeezes here, bringing Clarke closer to her.

 

Just as she is about to drift of to sleep, her roomie lifts her head before bringing her lips next to the blonde’s ear. ”Clarke?” The whisper is quiet, and has her wondering whether Lexa even said something.

 

”Yes, Lexa?”

 

She can hear her shakily inhale and then gulp.

 

”Luna will be hosting this halloween party,” Lexa starts explaining, causing Clarke’s small smile to turn into a wide grin. She loved the way the other would start rambling whenever she was nervous. ”And I was thinking that you should come with me.”

 

There is a pause.

 

”If you want to, of course. I mean, you really don’t have to. It was just a random thought. Nevermind.”

 

Clarke has to bite her lip to prevent herself from chuckling.

 

”Lexa?”

 

”Yes?”

 

She takes Lexa’s hand in her own, before intertwining their fingers. ”I would love to go with you.”

 

”Great.” Even though she tries to sound cool and carefree, the happiness in her voice is easily detected by the other.

 

They fall asleep snuggled into each other, the brunette functioning as the back spoon, holding Clarke in her arms. The blonde, on the other hand, doesn’t let go of her hand, holding both of their hands under her chin. The heat coming from them, and between them, easily deflecting the cold air from the oven.

 

None of them had felt this content in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as u guys can see, each chapter won't necessarily include everything that happened in that month. instead, i'll only include what is important plot-wise. that means some chapters will span out over a long amount of time, while others only cover a day or two. hope that's cool with u guys.
> 
> also, the next chapter will be entirely dedicated to the halloween party. meaning, shorter chapter but faster update. and that is also when we'll enter the realm of angst and drama, so prepare urselves. 
> 
> if u have any questions, or want to discuss anything, hit me up @ lexafromtrikru.tumblr.com


	3. halloween party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people drink and hook up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember what i said about frequent updates? scratch that. i just started my summer break and in-between traveling, working and moving i won't have a lot of spare time i will be spending in front of the computer. tho with that being said, u guys can always count on frequent updates (: just not really fast ones.
> 
> so yeah, this chapter is a bit shorter but i did enjoy writing this one. got to explore some new sides of a few characters, and we're also experimenting with some new POVs in this chapter.
> 
> also, i have decided to relieve my beta from her duty this summer bc of both of our crazy traveling schedules and time-zone differences. if any of u are interested in substituting her, hit me up @ my tumblr or leave a comment below. so yes, i apologize for any typos or weird sentences, but i had to rely on my own shitty proofreading lmao.

 

As much as the lack of heating in their dorm had been a pain in the ass, there had definitely been a silver lining. Sleeping next to Lexa. The comfort and warmth she had received from her roommate could best be described as heavenly. And as much as she hated to admit it, returning to her own bed without a soft Lexa in it once the oven was repaired was a lonely feeling. The two nights they had shared together, snuggled up in an attempt at not freezing to death, had been the highlight of all week. And now, as they had returned to their every day schedule, with barely seeing each other, the only thing Clarke had to look forward to, was the party tonight. The party meant that she would have a chance at getting to know the brunette better.

 

The only issue here was that she somehow managed to forget mentioning all of this to Raven and Octavia. And they didn’t take it too lightly, to say the least.

 

”Are you fucking with me, Griffin?” Raven has her arms crossed over her chest, a skeptical look present on her face. ”You’re ditching us for Woods?”

 

”Actually, Rae,” the other brunette interrupts, ”I have plans with Lincoln tonight. So I doubt I’ll be joining tonight either.”

 

The mechanic’s brown eyes move from Clarke and over to Octavia, dumbstrucked. For one quick second, her pokerface falters, revealing a hurt and disappointed Raven. Whether it’s because of being ditched by both of her friends, or because Clarke has plans with her ex ramins unknown to Clarke. Though this moment of weakness doesn’t last long, before she puts on a brave face, a smirk accompanying her confidence.

 

”All right then,” she declares. ”While you guys are too busy being whipped because of your teenage crushes, I’m going to be dancing with all the hot dudes and chicks there.”

 

”You’re unbelievable, Reyes.” Clarke replies with a shake of her head. ”And just so we’re clear, I don’t have some silly crush on Lexa.”

 

Her two best friends glance at each other, sharing a knowing look.

 

”What? It’s true!” the blonde insist, not appreciating the inside joke the two of them clearly are having.

 

”Sure, says the girl who hasn’t talked about anything else besides how good her roomie smells.”

 

”Shut up, O.”

 

The pillow that had previously supported her back, is now hurling in the direction of her friend’s face. An annoyed groan coming from the brunette seconds later confirms that Clarke had succesfully hit her target.

 

-

 

Disappointmet. That is the only thing she feels once opening the door to her empty dorm. Her eyes scan the surroundings, before laying eyes on the post-it note on the table. With quicks steps she walks over to said table, and reads the note.

 

_Luna needed help with the preperations for the party. I’ll see you there though. Sorry._

_L._

She exhales loudly, pulling out her phone and reading the numbers displayed. **6.57 PM.** So she still has about an hour left before she has to leave. Not really knowing what else to do, she grabs her notebook and a pen, sitting down on her bed. Her inspiration is at a zero as she sits there for several minutes, not really knowing what do draw. The blonde’s mind is blank, the only thing occupying her brain is the thought of heading to the party.

 

Her mind starts drifting and before she knows it, the pleasant sound of graphite against paper spreads across the room. Without truly paying attention to what her hand is doing, the image of a face starts to form on the paper. It is to her own surprisement that she realizes she kows every part of her face; from the small freckle above her upper lip, to the way her brows curve.

 

”What you got there?” The deep voice shakes Clarke out of her haze, scaring the crap out of her.

 

”Hey, Bellamy. It’s noth-” before she can hide the drawing that is very clearly illustrating her guilty pleasure, the notepad is snatched out of her hands.

 

His expression is unreadable as his brown eyes sweep over the paper. ”You drew Woods?”

 

She can feel the heat rising to her cheeks, no good excuse coming to mind. What _was_ she actually doing? _Why_ was she drawing Lexa, out of all the people? ”Yeah, I guess I was a little bored,” she mumbles, reaching out and grabbing the sketch from Bellamy’s hands.

 

He reluctantly lets go of the notebook, though his brown eyes remain fixed upon Lexa’s face. Clarke can’t help but see the way his fists are clenched tightly, the whiteness of his knuckles creating a contrast between his usual skin color. That is when it dawns on her that her friend is clearly disturbed by what he’s seeing. ”Bellamy?”

 

The sound of his own name drags him back to reality as he finally raises his gaze, meeting the blonde’s. Emotions are swirling behind the darkness in his eyes, though impossible for Clarke to understand. She had never understood this hatred he feels towards her roommate.

 

”Yes, Clarke?” His voice is low, the anger hidden below the surface, barely detectable. But just barely. She can sense it.

 

”What are you doing in my room?” she asks, desperate to change the topic.

 

”Was wondering if you’d like some company for the party,” he replies before crossing his arms, standing proud in front of her. ”But judging by _that_ -” – a glance is sent to the note on the table – ”you already have a date.” Without another word he swirls around, leaving Clarke bewildered and alone in her empty dorm. The tension that had previously been between them left her with a pounding heart and a tight knot in her stomach. Why was he angry with her? And even more importantly, why was he acting like a jackass?

 

Once she manages to lower her heart rate to what is considered to be normal, the realization of Bellamy’s last words hit her. Right in the chest. _A date_. Is that what this party with Lexa is? A date? Just the thought alone raises her pulse once again, the butterflies in her stomach fluttering undeniably. It is a strange feeling, trying to identify the emotions inside of her. The last time she had experienced a familiar sensation was back in sophomore year with Finn. She tries her best to push the similarities out of her mind.

 

-

 

By the time she arrives to the scene, people are already pouring into the house. The short, tight-sitting, black dress gains her several glances from both drunken boys and girls. Approval and pride rushes through her body, confidence radiating all over her. Clarke pushes past the bodies crowded in front of the door, some in costumes while others dressed more casually. The thought of finding Lexa in this place filled with people overwhelms her. Unsure of where to start, she recognizes Murphy from her biophysics classes. With a few steps she is standing besides him.

 

”Sup, princess?”

 

She hates the fact that the nickname stuck with her. It’s fine as long as it comes from Bellamy, but that’s it. The blonde sends the boy an annoyed glance.

 

”Any chance you know where I can find Lexa?”

 

He takes a sip from the red cup in hand, before slowly swallowing.

 

”Hmm.. Sharing valuable information like that..” The way he runs his eyes over her body doesn’t go unnoticed, and not only by Clarke. ”What’s in it for me?”

 

”Get lost Murphy,” Lexa’s voice cuts through the air as she approaches the two of them. The way she glares at the boy in front of them is enough to send shivers down Clarke’s spine. He doesn’t need to be told twice, quickly slipping away. Green eyes leave the spot where Murphy had previously been, and drifts over to the blonde. ”You look nice,” her voice is tight, the nervous atmosphere filling the air. The way Lexa is looking at her leaves Clarke’s mouth dry. She barely notices how her own lips had parted. It takes all her self-control to regain her composure, pulling both of them out of this strange place.

 

”You gonna show me around, or?”

 

-

 

//

 

”Hey Bechball!” Raven exclaims as her fist bumps into her friend’s arm, causing him to give her an uninterested glance.

 

”What do you want, Raven?” He sounds bored, no enthusiasm whatsoever in his voice. It is strange, hearing Bellamy without the presence of his usual cheerfulness.

 

”Relax,” she raises her hands apologetically, ”I was just curious as to where your summertime sadness is coming from.” Even though it is somewhat the truth, the brunette doesn’t voice the rest of her concerns.

 

”I’m fine.”

 

Short reply. Not a good sign.

 

Hazel eyes leave her brown ones, as they move over the crowd in front of them. Following Bellamy’s gaze, her eyes land on a familiar blonde head dancing next to another familiar head. Clarke and Lexa. They’re dancing. Her curiosity is immediately piqued, one half of it related to why the boy was watching the two of them, the other half focused on how come the two roommates had become good buddies. Deciding on confronting the more urgent matter, she snaps her fingers in an attempt at regaining Bellamy’s attention.

 

”Don’t tell me you’ve got a hard on for one of them.” The touch of red on his ears are a clear response. Both of the Blakes have thing for someone. Great. Just her luck. ”Who’s the lucky gal?”

 

”It doesn’t matter,” he mutters, turning away from the masses and finally looking into her eyes. ”She doesn’t care for me that way.”

 

Now let’s make something clear: Raven Reyes is the last one to host a pity party. Seriously. She of all people had enough of that crap. _But_ , if there is one thing she can’t stand, then that is the suffering of her close friends. She gently pats his back, trying her best to be comforting. ”Tell me about it. Been trying to get over this person for months now and it really does suck.”

 

”What do you do? To make yourself feel better?”

 

”Sex. Always a good start.”

 

He snorts, a small chuckle leaving his mouth. ”Sex, huh?”

 

”Yeah, it does the trick.” The wheels in her mind have already started turning.

 

Bellamy nods, before letting his eyes investigate the girls in the room. By the looks of it, he is soon finished picking his prey. Crap. She needs to be quick.

 

”I think I’ve got our sulotion, Beachball.”

 

Dark eyes tear away from one of the lightly dressed, dancing girls. ”And what would that be?”

 

”You and I. Screwing each other.”

 

”What?” The sudden outburst is closesly followed by laughter. ”You’re asking me to fuck my sister’s best friend?”

 

Raven shrugs, not really seeing the big deal. ”Isn’t that what she’s kinda doing to you though? Screwing _your_ best friend?”

 

That shuts him up for a minute, as he’s clearly considering the offer. Just as she is about to say something in a feeble attempt at convincing him, Bellamy lunges forward, quickly pressing his lips against hers. The first thought that pops into her mind is how good of a kisser Bellamy Blake is. The second is that they need to get a room. Now.

 

The kiss is heated and before they know it, both of them are pulling at each other’s clothes, trying to get as close as possible. With one quick motion, Bellamy lifts Raven, holding her up by grabbing her ass and pushing her up to the nearest wall. The mechanic can already feel the tension in both his and her lower parts.

 

-

 

//

 

”Jesus.”

 

Lexa’s shocked voice is barely able to drown out the loud bass and music coming from the speakers in the room. ”What?” Clarke nearly yells, trying to make herself hearable.

 

”They’re devouring each other.” The brunette stands still, openly staring at a boy and girl about to rip each other’s clothes off.

 

”So what?”

 

Her roommate only shakes her head before taking a sip of her beer, clearly not having enjoyed the sight of the two. Following her example, Clarke raises her own cup, doing a half-assed toast gesture prior to drinking all the beverage in under four seconds.

 

”The nickname suits you,” Lexa whispers into her ear, followed by a soft laugh.

 

Having the brunette so close to her is intoxicating and she feels a sudden struggle with thinking straight. She has always wondered what her laugh would sound like, and now, having witnessed it, the churning in her stomach only intensified. The irony would surely entertain her friends and make them laugh.

 

She needs to remind herself to answer, and to continue functioning like a normal human being. Clarke really can’t afford the inaproppriate feelings and thoughts she has towards her roomie.

 

”Party Girl Griffin?”

 

”Yeah, that’s the one.” The smile she sends her is nearly enough to knock the blonde off of her feet. And now that the blue eyes were focused on Lexa’s lips, there was no turning back. It suddenly overwhelms her, how soft they look. She wonders what they taste like. Her common sense tells her that she probably tastes like beer considering how that’s what the two of them had been drinking for the past hour, but some unrational part of her brain refuses to acknowledge that Lexa is human. A tiny voice in her head whispers that they probably they’re sweet like rainbows.

 

”Lexa?” She can’t bring herself to look away from the other’s lips.

 

”Yes?” The brunette whispers, having now noticed the staring coming from Clarke.

 

She is still trying to wrap her head around where the recent courage she has, is coming from, because as she reaches out to touch Lexa’s bottom lip, running her thumb across it, she has to wonder. Is it the alcohol? Or is it the beating of her heart and the rush of adrenaline? Is it the all too familiar feeling you get before falling for someone?

 

”You’re so fucking beaut-” – her declaration is rudely interrupted by previously mentioned soft lips capturing her own. And in that moment her heart explodes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger.
> 
> but yes, as always, let me know what u think! leave a comment below or hit me up @ lexafromtrikru.tumblr.com
> 
> PS: i promise the next chapter will be the bomb. got great things in store.


	4. november

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clarke is busy wth celebrating thanksgiving, and figuring her feelings out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late update i know. promise the next one will be quicker. 
> 
> also, since both my beta and i are on a vacation, and i hurried to finish this chapter, expect some typos. sorry!

She keeps replaying that moment in her mind.

 

The way their lips had collided against each other, as the ocean collides with the cliffs, enough to convince Clarke that her heart was racing with the speed of a Ferrari. Not being able to contain herself, or her feelings, she grabbed Lexa by the hips, pulling her as close as the space between them would allow. Some parts of her brain were still in a haze, not being able to comprehend anything besides the softness of the brunette’s lips. It was like the whole world had disappeared and it was just the two of them, trying to reveal the want and need they had for one and other, without the use of words. As the kiss deepend, she could feel Lexa’s fingers tangling in her hair. The other hand was mindlessly caressing the blonde’s face, sending shivers down her spine.

 

The kiss was at once electrifying, but also comforting. It was as if the missing piece of the puzzle finally fell into place, everything suddenly making sense. The satisfactin of growing more attached to Lexa wasn’t due to how difficult it was to be considered Wood’s friend, but because of Clarke _wanting_ to get closer to her. And as they clung to each other, dreading the moment they had to swim to the surface and finally breathe, she wished that this moment could’ve lasted forever.

 

But it didn’t.

 

Two weeks had passed and they hadn’t said a word to each other since. It was two weeks since Finn had interrupted them, screaming and tearing the two of them apart. He had proceeded to scream at Lexa, calling her a variety of slurs, one more hurtful than the other. The girl had left the room with tears in her eyes, while Clarke took herself the liberty of delivering a well-aimed slap.

 

She had spent hours looking for her roommate with tears streaming down her face, voice sore after all the screaming, but to no avail. She was gone. And after having lied in the empty dorm, crying for another hour, she decided to spend the night at her best friends’ place. Luckily Octavia wasn’t at the party and was instead watching a movie with Lincoln, so she had no issues with having a sorrowful Griffin in her room.

 

Once she was tucked in by her friend, and given a pep talk by both Octavia and Lincoln, she fell asleep at last, curled up in a fetal position, wishing that her roomie was the one behind her and not the wall.

 

The next time she saw Lexa was on monday. She was just heading out the door, trying her best to disguise the fact that she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since before the party, when the door was opened for her by an equally tired looking Lexa. Granted, the brunette was doing a much better job at hiding her lack of energy, but she wasn’t fooling Clarke. As she was opening her mouth, not sure of what to say, her roommate strode past her, not bothering with a second glance. It felt like someone had punched her in the face, the ache in her heart almost knocking the wind out of her.

 

”That’s it? No explanation, nothing?” She was furios, and her voice was doing hell of a job at showing it.

 

The other blatantly ignored her question, continuing the process of looking through her drawers, probably on search for some clean clothes. She wanted to grab her arm, force her to look into her eyes, just so she could see how much pain she was causing her. The uncertainity of not knowing where her roomie had gone off to, and the unanswered texts and calls had been a living hell. And now that she was back, she was refusing to even acknowledge Clarke’s presence.

 

”You know what? Fuck you.”

 

She barely made it out of the room before breaking down, sobs rattling through her body.

 

-

 

As Clarke lies in bed, once again curled up, this time in her own bed, her mind replays the past two weeks, starting with the kiss. She hates herself for the way her heart automatically skips several beats, the thought of reliving that moment completely destroying her. It is pure torture, sleeping in the same room as the person who causes you all the pain and pleasure. What was even worse is that it feels like Lexa hates her. Countless hours had been spent with trying to figure what she had done wrong that unleashed this wave of anger from the brunette. Because as much as she tries to tell herself that this isn’t bothering her, or tearing her apart from the inside, the truth can’t be denied.

 

”I just wish you would talk to me.”

 

She waits for a response, slowly hoping that maybe this time she’ll hear the voice she has missed so dearly. Sadly, the only thing she receives is silence.

 

”Are you doing this on purpose?”

 

Silence.

 

”Hurting me?”

 

The silence continues, but unless she is mistaken, there’s a sound of someone shuffling around in their bed.

 

”I just-” – her voice cracks, no chance of hiding how upset she truly is, ”- wish you’d talk to me.”

 

”I didn’t mean to hurt you, Clarke,” she says, remorseful. The sound of Lexa’s voice triggers an avalanche inside of her, relief flooding through every part of her body. Clarke had forgotten how lovely it sounds and how comforting it could be. The last parts of her restraints fade away and there is no stopping the rivers running down her cheeks.

 

”But you did.” The sob following the statement is loud and clear, meaning that Lexa must’ve heard it. Great.

 

There is an awkward silence that stretches out for a few seconds, before the sound of someone getting out of bed fills the dorm. Clarke doesn’t have the time to react or say anything as someone, obviously her roommate, sits down next to her. She can easily see the silhouette of the brunette. The realization that she missed being this close to her roomie causes another couple of sobs to escape her shaking mouth.

 

”I am sorry,” Lexa whispers, shamefully looking down at her hands, not daring to look at the blonde. ”But I need to put myself first.”

 

Clarke immediately turns towards her with a confused frown, not understanding what that’s got to do with anything. ”What are you talking about?”

 

”I-I can’t afford to fool around,” she answers, fingers figdeting with the hem of her shirt. ”Not right now.”

 

”Why not?” Clarke’s heart stops the minute an image of Lexa kissing someone else pops into her mind. ”Are you dating someone?”

 

A snort is the brunette’s first response. ”No, Clarke. I am not dating anyone. That is precisely my point.”

 

”You don’t want to date?”

 

”I _can’t_.” Lexa’s voice is filled with frustration so Clarke leaves it at that. The last thing she needs is crossing another boundary that cannot be uncrossed.

 

”All right.”

 

By the time the words leave her mouth, that creative mind of hers is already imagining all the possibilites as to why her roommate is so hellbent on avoiding all signs of affection.

 

They sit in silence, Clarke letting her thoughts run wild while Lexa is thinking whatever she is. Sometimes, Clarke would just wish that she could read minds, especially with people like the previously mentioned girl. Some parts of her wonder if under different circumstances, Lexa would have opened up to her.

 

”Good night, Clarke.” Soft fingers brush against the blonde’s thigh, the touch setting her body on fire, before the silhouette disappears out of sight and retreats to it’s own bed. She is left there, the only thing her mind can think of is how her skin still tingles.

 

God, this girl is going to drive her crazy.

 

-

 

 

The next couple of days are somewhat less awkward and they go about their lives as usual. Lexa heading to her morning classes long before Clarke is away. Clarke grabbing some coffee to enjoy with Octavia and Raven, while Lexa is in the dorm, doing her assignments. Lexa enjoying lunch with Luna, Gustus and Quint, as Clarke is doing her best to pay attention at one of her lectures. Afterwards they both hang out in their dorm, attempting to have normal conversations before leaving for their classes. They don’t meet again before the evening when they both go to sleep.

 

That’s the routine.

 

And Clarke is having some seriously issues with it. Because the more times she has to be around Lexa without the chance of touching her, the more her frustration grows.

 

So how exactly do you beat your frustration? You fuck. You fuck the cute girl named Niylah who has been sending swift glances in your direction.

 

It was one of the most messiest hook-ups she has ever had. This was her first time with a girl and it was obvious from start to finish that she had no clue on what she was doing. Clarke’s only trick was doing some of the stuff she had seen on porn back in freshman year, when Raven and her had been a bit too tipsy and bored. Some of it proved to be useful, as the moans’ of the other girl confirmed, while others not so much. And as they laid in bed, the only thing she saw in front of her were those green eyes. And those soft lips that felt so good pressed against her own. The sudden guilt she felt was overwhelming and not being able to control her beating heart and heavy breathing, she jumped out of the bed, quickly gathering the clothes scattered across the floor. With a few jumps she was properly dressed and running down the hallway to the only person she knew could help.

 

”Hey, princess,” he greets, opening the door to let her inside. The first thing she notices is his messy hair that is chaotic than usual. If she didn’t know better, she would think this is what his sex hair looks like. ”What you doing here?”

 

Before answering she lets her eyes roam around the first floor, the silence a strange comparison to what the sound level had been like last time she was here. ”Do you think we could talk? I-I need some help.”

 

He immediately grabs her hand, after having shut the door, and leads her up to the kitchen, pulling out one of the chairs next to the island. Clarke sits down, nearvously tapping her feet against the marble floor as her blue eyes follow the boy’s movements. Bellamy is looking through one of the cabinets while he heats the water, before finding the blonde’s go-to tea whenever she was upset, chamomile tea.

 

”Remind me to buy some tea next time I’m going to the store because my anxiety is through the roof lately,” she declares as the cup is put in front of her. Delicate fingers close around said cup, before she lifts it up to her lips, taking a sip. The minute the hot liquid trickles down her throat, a certain calmness spreads through her.

 

”Speaking of which,” Bellamy’s voice cuts through the silence. ”What’s wrong? How can I be of assistance?” A soft smile is sent her direction, his eyes warm and comforting.

 

For a second she contemplates whether telling him this is a good idea, the memory of his reactions to Lexa flashing through her mind, but she concludes with the fact that if she can’t tell her best friend, then who can she tell?

 

”I think I’m falling for her.” It isn’t until the words leave her shaking lips, that grasps the volume of what she said. Having said those six words only makes it more real, and the more real it gets, the worse it is. Because her feelings aren’t reciprocated.

 

”Lexa?” His voice is as low as a whisper, and some of the warmth that had previously been there is gone. It is instead replaced with sadness and it makes Clarke wonder why _he_ is sad.

 

She only nods in response, unsure of whether her voice can handle the pressure coming from all of her feelings.

 

Bellamy purses his lips, before letting a sigh escape his mouth. ”Does she know?”

 

Clarke shrugs. ”I dont know. I haven’t told her, but who knows how much of an open book I am.”

 

”You’re everything but an open book, Clarke.” He takes a sip, clearly thinking about what to say next. ”Do you know if she likes you?”

 

”She kissed me, but I’m not s-” – She is interrupted by the strange noise coming from Bellamy’s throat, before he spits out his tea, the beverage spreading across the island.

 

”She kissed you?” His voice is hoarse as he tries his best not coughing up his lungs.

 

”Yeah.”

 

”I see.”

 

They sit in silence, staring at each other. It is clear that the boy is conflicted, his jaw clenching and then unclenching every other second. ”You should talk to her about it,” is his final response.

 

”She told me she doesn’t want anything besides friendship.”

 

”Then try giving her a little space, and some time to think.”

 

-

 

”What’s your plans for thanksgiving?” Clarke asks as she places the grocery bags on the table, ready to get started on the unloading.

 

Lexa tears her attention away from her PC, where she is watching some dog videos by the sound of it, and instead focuses on the blonde who is busy putting the milk into the fridge. ”I’m going home. And you?”

 

”Same,” she replies, putting the freshly bought tea into their cupboard. ”Where do you live?” It was a strange thing, having been living with someone for roughly two months and yet not knowing anything about them.

 

”New York,” the brunette answers, getting out of bed and heading over to the explosion of groceries. She grabs the eggs and starts organizing the contents of the refrigerator.

 

She had missed talking to her and in a desperate attempt at keeping this conversation going, she decides to start a personal interview. ”You’ve got any siblings?”

 

Her roommate nods before taking a seat at their table, across from where Clarke is sitting. ”Two, a big sister and a little brother,” a genuine smile is visible on her features, a happiness the blonde had never before seen radiating off her. ”What about you?”

 

”None, though the Blake siblings were always like a second family to me.” A smile is decorating her own face, the thought of all their childhood memories flashing through her mind. Those were the good times.

 

”I can tell that you guys are close,” Lexa says, her eyes warm and no trace of irritation in her voice. Maybe she doesn’t really hate the Blake boy that much.

 

”Yeah, Octavia and I have been best friends since first grade and it didn’t take long before Bellamy joined the club. They were always there for me, supporting me through thick and thin.” Seeing someone as interested in what you’re saying as Lexa often has an effect on you, and before she even knows it, Clarke is rambling her way through her childhood, talking about each and every one of her precious memories. The strangest thing of all of this was the look in her roomie’s eyes, a glow that had until then been absent in those green orbs.

 

-

 

”They’re late,” Raven grumbles, leaning against Bellamy’s car. Their bags were on the ground, Clarke very graciously sitting on top of her own.

 

”Relax, they’ll be here any minute.” Truth is, knowing the nature of Octavia, they probably won’t show up for another ten minutes.

 

The mechanic snorts, before pulling out her phone, once again attempting to reach their friends. After waiting for about five seconds, she angrily pushes the red button, phone once again placed in her backpocket. ”I fucking hate them.”

 

Clarke hums in agreement, not entirely paying attention to her friend. Instead, she is doing her best at stalking Lexa’s private facebook account. Truth is, she hadn’t had the courage to add her, so she had to do with her profile picture and some tagged photos.

 

”Your gay-ass crush is showing, Griffin,” Raven remarks, leaning across the blonde’s shoulder, spying at the screen of her phone.

 

”Jesus, Raven!” She quickly locks the phone before stuffing it inside her purse. A glare is sent to the brunette that is now raising her hands in defense, not looking too apologetic. She clearly has yet to learn what ’privacy’ means.

 

Clarke’s attention drifts from her friend and over to the two silhouettes in the distance that are heading in their direction. She can hear Raven mutter something along the lines of ’final-fucking-ly’, her lips pulling upwards into a small smile. The hectic life on campus had lead to less time spent with her friends, and considering the few days they are free, the perfect oppurtunity to get things back the way they were arose.

 

Before the two girls has a chance to comment on the time they wasted time thanks to the Blakes, Octavia grumbles an apology before opening the trunk, carelessly tossing her bag into the compartment. Bellamy only shrugs in response as he lifts both Raven’s and Clarke’s luggage, organizing them besides her sister’s and his own.

 

”I call shotgun!” Raven yells, not bothering to wait for a reply before jumping into the passenger seat, already making herself comfortable. The others don’t bother complaining, Bellamy taking his seat in front of the wheel, Octavia sitting behind him and Clarke behind Raven.

 

After having been on the road for roughly an hour Octavia was dozing off with her ear phones in and the mechanic was following her example, quietly cuddled up under a blanket. Clarke tries her best ignoring how the hand sticking out from under the previously mentioned blanket is gently placed on top of Bellamy’s right hand, the one of the wheel. She also does her best ignoring the knot deep in her stomach and the hurt that is eating away at her insides.

 

-

 

”Clarke!” The all too familiar sound of her mother’s voice brings a smile to her lips, before she wraps her arms around her, squeezing Abby gently. She had nearly forgotten what the warm embrace of a mother was like and in all honesty, she had really missed it. ”I missed you, sweetheart,” her mom whispered into her ear, ”I missed you so much.”

 

They stand like that for a few minutes, hugging each other, not wanting to let go. But as it is with everything else in life, there comes a moment when it’s time to part ways. Granted, this isn’t one of those dramatic moments, but they still need to let go of each other so Clarke can carry her bags into the house.

 

As they settle into the kitchen, a plate full of her favorite food, lasagna, is layed out in front of her. Not being able to wait any longer, the delicious scent all too tempting, she grabs her fork and knife, digging into the pasta.

 

While devouring the tremendous dish, her mom asks a bunch of questions mostly about school, her friends and her love life. The first two topics she has a lot to talk about, everything ranging from the interesting classes with professor Jackson to Octavia’s sudden interest in art. As for the third one, her answers are rather short, the need to discuss her hopeless crush close to zero.

 

”And how is Finn doing?” Abby asks while gathering the dirty plates, careful not to leave any stains on the tablecloth.

 

”I don’t know,” the blonde confesses with a sigh, ”haven’t really talked to him much.”

 

Her mother nods in response as she stands before the sink, arms elbow-deep into the now nasty and dark water. ”Well, I guess we could go over our agenda for the following days.” Clarke just pays attention, not bothering to reply. ”We’ll have the Thanksgiving dinner at six o’clock. I imagine the Blakes will be over a bit earlier alongside with Thelonious, meaning that you and I will have to start preparations in an hour or two.”

 

”Sounds good to me,” she states with a small smile. ”I’m surprised Thelonious is joining us. Haven’t seen him since the accident.”

 

Abby turns to around, facing her daughter, a sad smile decorating her features. ”I know sweetheart, but you know how much he’s been going through after losing Wells.”

 

The smile that had previously been on her face slowly faded away, the grip that had been on her heart for three years now tightening. ”He isn’t the only one.” Feeling as if the walls are closing in on her, the air from her lungs pressed out, Clarke jumped up from the chair, running towards the door. She can hear her mom’s worried voice calling after her before the door slams shut behind her.

 

Without really paying attention to where she was going, the tears in her eyes blurring her vision, she ran. She ran until she could barely breathe, the metallic taste of blood filling her mouth. Her legs buckled under her and within seconds she was laying facedown in the grass. She was exhausted. Exhausted of the death of her loved ones always following her, no matter where she went. Exhausted of all of the promises that had been made years ago, back when she was foolish enough to believe that people like her get a happy ending. Exhausted of thinking about the naive little girl thinking that she still had a lifetime with her best friend and father, before they so unjustly were snatched away from her. Wells had been the first to die. Hit by a car when he was fifteen. He lived for a week before the internal bleedings got the best of him. That was when her heart had shattered. Jake, her dad, had been the next. Diagnosed with cancer about a year after the death of her friend. He survived for a year, before passing away on a cold afternoon in february. That was when her heart had fallen apart, the splinters way too sharp to ever be able to put back together again. And whenever she thought she was over it, whenever she foolishly believed that she was strong enough to let go, the pain hit her right in the chest, fresher than ever.

 

-

 

The smell of her mom’s well-spiced turkey in the oven is the first thing she notices when stepping inside. Guilt rushes through her, the realization of having left her mother alone to do all the cooking. This is just as hard for her, if not worse. It is after all the first Thanksgiving they’re celebrating without her father. With quiet steps she approached the kitchen where she found her mom seated by the kitchen island, rifling through old photo albums.

 

”I miss him,” Abby breathlessly says, looking up to meet Clarke’s eyes, her mother’s eyes red and puffy.

 

Clarke nods, not having the strength of vocally responding. Instead she hurries over to her mom, wrapping her arms around her.

 

They remain like that, Abby sobbing while Clarke holds her, crying silently, until they hear the sound of Marcus’ car pulling up in the driveway.

 

-

 

”The food is excellent as always, Abby,” Thelonious exclaims as he takes the last bite. A loud murmuring coming from everyone else around the table in agreement is the response, causing a soft blush to creep up on Abby’s cheeks.

 

”It is true, Mrs. Griffin,” Bellamy chimes in. ”No one makes better turkey than you.”

 

”Oh, stop it Bellamy!” Abby waves her knife in the air, directing it at the boy. ”And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Abby?”

 

”You know how it is, Abby,” Octavia says with a mouth full of food. ”It’s hard for anything to get through that thick head of his.” Clarke can’t help but giggle at the comment.

 

”Be nice to your brother, Octavia.” Marcus’ voice is soft, but the sharp edge to it is impossible to miss. He sends one last glance at the siblings before returning his gaze to the half empty wine glass. The two underage girls share a wistful look, them two being the only ones not able to drink.

 

-

 

”Thank God I don’t have to share a room with that knucklehead,” the brunette grunts, flinging herself onto the bed where Clarke is spread out. ”Besides, I think Raven and him are fucking. Really don’t wanna witness that.”

 

Her heart stops for a second, the mention of her two friends confirming what she had been suspecting ever since the car ride back home; her best friends were hooking up and none of them had even thought about telling her. ”Does Marcus know?” Clarke’s throat is dry, the sense of betrayal overwhelming. This was now the second time Raven had kept a huge secret from her, the first one being the one with Lexa and now this. She doesn’t know what’s worse, Bellamy not telling her or Raven’s sudden secrecy.

 

”You’re joking, right?” Octavia says with a chuckle, attempting to make herself more comfortable. It’s not that Clarke is so huge that she can’t lie there properly, but rather that the bed she got when she was twelve has gotten a bit too small for the two of them. ”Even though Bell loves Marcus and is his foster son, he doesn’t share stuff like that with anyone. He didn’t even tell me, but thanks to my wonderful detective skills, I found some strong evidence that suggests some serious sex.”

 

There is an awkward silence where none of them say anything, both staring at the wall, Clarke not enjoying this topic too much and Octavia clearly noticing. As said brunette is wrecking her mind to change the subject, Clarke’s phone vibrates loudly. Wanting any excuse to avoid further sadness, she quickly grabs her phone, looking at the illuminated screen.

 

_Lexa Woods has sent you a friend request._

Her stomach immediately did a cartwheel, the butterflies inside of her coming to life, flying all over the place. The sudden sweaty thumb hurries to unlock the phone, not bother to wait seconds before pressing the blue button, accepting the request.

 

”The last time I saw you that eager to answer something was back when Nick Jonas replied to your tweet back in middle school,” Octavia remarks with a smirks. ”Who’s the lucky guy?”

 

Clarke’s mouth runs dry as the grey text bubble turns to red, the notification on top of her screen showing a message from Lexa. Too busy opening the text, she forgets to reply to the previous question asked.

 

** Lexa Woods (11.49 PM): **

**That was quick.**

”You’re texting Woods?” The playfulness that had been in her friend’s voice was immediately gone the moment she laid eyes on Clarke’s phone.

 

She can feel the heat in her cheeks, her mouth now the equivalent of the Sahara. The screen is now black, no longer showcasing the unanswered message bubble connected to the little icon of a beautiful, brown haired girl. ”Well, technically she texted _me_. ” Clarke tries her best at an innocent puppy face.

 

”Whatever, Griff,” Octavia mutters, rolling over on her side, back now facing the wall and the blonde. ”Good night.”

 

”Night,” Clarke replies, already focusing on sending a text to Lexa.

 

** Clarke Griffin (11.51 PM): **

****

**thanks. i take great pride in my constant online presence on fb and zero social life.**

Blue eyes stay fixated on the screen, impatiently waiting for those three dots to show up in the left corner, letting her know that a reply from Lexa is on the way. She ends up staring in about five minutes, growing more anxious for each second that passes and hating herself for it. Letting your roommate have a hold on you like this is a dangerous combination.

 

** Lexa Woods (11.56 PM): **

****

**I have no doubt you do.**

** Clarke Griffin (11.56 PM): **

****

**so, to what do i owe this pleasure?**

** Clarke Griffin (11.56 PM): **

****

**ur aware of the fact that it’s almost midnight? i didn’t see u as the type of person to bother ppl this late.**

** Lexa Woods (11.57 PM): **

****

**The way I see it, I’m not exactly ”bothering” you.**

 

** Lexa Woods (11.57 PM): **

****

**But I can leave you alone, if you’d like ?**

The desperation she feels leaves her embarassed.

 

** Clarke Griffin (11.57 PM): **

****

**no need for that! i do actually enjoy being bothered by attractive ppl.**

** Lexa Woods (11.58 PM): **

****

**Thought so.**

** Clarke Griffin (11.58 PM):  **

****

**do u mind if i give u a nickname?**

** Lexa Woods (11.58 PM): **

****

**Not at all.**

She can’t stop the giggling, looking forward to the reaction.

**lexa** **□** **(12.00 AM):**

**Did you really put a pig face next to my name?**

** Clarke Griffin (12.00 AM): **

****

**maybe? ;)**

** lexa  ** **□** **(12.00 AM):**

**I see. Hope you’re okay with a little revenge.**

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (12.01 AM): **

 

**poop? really?**

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (12.01 AM): **

 

**:)**

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (12.01 AM): **

**ur cute.**

** lexa  ** ** □ ** ** (12. 02 AM): **

**Not as cute as you. Good night, Clarke.**

She falls asleep smiling, the last message imprinted in her mind forever.

 

-

 

The next day belongs in the category of ”not doing a shit”. Her day mostly consists of waiting for Lexa to text her first, eating, hanging out with Raven and Octavia, packing her stuff for tomorrow when they’re going back to school and spending some quality time with her Mother in the evening, watching Modern Family.

 

They’re in the middle of season three and Clarke ends up so immersed in what’s happening on the television that she entirely forgets about the whole ”waiting for Lexa to message her” thing. That is up until the familiar sound coming from messenger that alerts her to a new message. She tears her eyes away from the TV and instead focuses entering her PIN, before opening the text from Lexa.

 

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.25 PM): **

****

**I’ve come to the conclusion that the pig face is somewhat adorable.**

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (08.26 PM): **

****

**not as cute as me i hope.**

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.26 PM): **

****

**Certainly not. But it’s a close second.**

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (08.26 PM): **

****

**nah, i think the poopie face is much cuter. the pig? maybe a third.**

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.27 PM): **

****

**Glad you like it. By the way, you’re going home tomorrow, right?**

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (08.27 PM): **

****

**yeah, why? can’t stand the thought of being without me? :(**

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.28 PM): **

****

**Funny. I was just wondering when I’d get the chance to deliver your Thanksgiving present?**

She freezes, not really knowing what to think, or if her eyes were telling her the truth. “Sweetheart, everything okay?” Abby calls out, gently squeezing her thigh. Clarke nods in response, already typing.

 

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (08.29 PM): **

****

**u got me a present?**

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.30 PM): **

****

**Yes, I did. But since you’re there tomorrow night, I suggest we try it out then.**

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (08.31 PM): **

****

**is it some kinky sex toy? ;)**

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.32 PM): **

****

**No, Clarke, it is not a sex toy. Though I do believe that it’s function would be most proper at night, when you’re occupying my bed. Which is also why I bought a bigger pillow, so you’ll stop pushing my head off my old one.**

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (08.33 PM): **

****

**not my fault ur pillow is rlly comfy. and all right, lookin forward 2 our next cuddle session <3 **

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.33 PM): **

****

**So do I :) By the way, how do you make that heart emoji? It looks different than the one from my keyboard.**

** Clarke  ** ** □  ** ** (08.34 PM): **

****

**it’s fb’s “heart emoji”. u just press < \+ 3 and tadaa.**

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.34 PM): **

****

**< 3**

** lexa  ** ** □  ** ** (08.34 PM): **

 

**Got it. Thanks. Good night!**

The smile that is brought to her lips is entirely due to her new nickname on messenger.

 

_“Clarke <3” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked it. as always, feedback is very much welcome.
> 
> expect the next update in a week (:


End file.
